Three weeks and Aisha still goes to school believing I'm waiting for her under the tree near her school! I tried to tell her the truth, explaining to her it is hard to stand there alone under the tree. I tell her that I'll go home and the come back in the afternoon to take her home. She accepts, but when she reaches school she requests me for it again, "Mom, please wait for me under the tree." She swallows hard to suppress her spurting sobs, and when I see it, I am not able to deny her plead. Another false 'Yes'. Everyday I go to school determined to give her a 'No' for her request, but then in the end I find myself giving up! I walk back home regretting lying to her. What do I do?
@ school and not so happy about it!


I'm Bored.

Its the first day of Aisha's second week at school, and I'm already getting bored without her near me. I feel like stopping her school. Aisha doesn't cry anymore, but in the mornings she says she feels sleepy. There is no fuss, Alhamdulillah. She gets excited once we are out of our home. She still believes in the small lie I told her, that I'm waiting for her in the shade of the tree near her school. I explained to her today that I cannot always stand there, I've got to work at home. But she asked me to stay near her school for today, and I agreed. Once at school, she grabbed her bag from me, handed it to her teacher, removed her shoes and put it in the shoe-box and sat in her place. Oh, my God, Masha Allah, how much has my little girl grown up! I couldn't believe she could do all of these by herself. She is still my little girl! She called me and waved me good-bye. I was in tears, I didn't want to leave her. She shouted, "Mom, wait for me in the shade!" I struggled to say yes, and then I returned home. I wish it was 3 pm soon. A whole week has stretched itself, and I wish it was weekend again so that I could get my girl back to me for the whole day!
Monday morning mirth.


School Days

Aisha's school days has not been as good as imagined. I should have expected these troubles, but I simply thought she would be happy to go to school. She is happy with school , but her problem is 'Mom should sit at school'.
On the second day, she started crying when we reached the school gate, and was shouting at the top of her voice when I was going back. I felt very very sad. When I went to pick her up at 3 pm, she was sleeping. She promised the teacher to come back the next day. But when I was putting her to sleep, she said she didn't want to go to school without Mom.
Yesterday she started crying when she woke up. She didn't want to go to school, and she brought up all excuses she could think of - the boys are naughty, the teacher doesn't sing, the teacher scolded her ( no answer for my question of why the teacher scolded, or what she said) and more. To console her, I said I'll ask the teacher if I could sit in the school. She kept on repeating it again and again, to ask the teacher if I could sit in the school. When we reached the school, she was crying aloud. I told her I'll wait for her by the gate. But the teacher asked me to go, for seeing me makes her cry more. She was shouting, "mom, stay by the gate." I felt really sad and thought not to send her to school again. May I should have gone for some counselling before sending her to school. I went to school early to bring her back, and the teacher scolded me for taking the kid away before the time. But Aisha seemed happy, and wanted to go to school again.
At night, she asked me why I came back home when I had promised her I'll stay by the school gate. I had to lie to her. "I stayed at the gate and when I felt so hot, I moved towards the shade of a tree and sat down. That's why Aisha couldn't see me." I never thought the rest of her days were more peaceful with this one lie.
At night, I tried to explain to her that she cannot always have Mom in her life. I told her how I'm living without my Mom, and how everybody have to live their Mom at some time in their life. I asked her if her cousins are taking their moms to school. She listened silently, and at last concluded, "I need Mom at school!"
Aisha @ school.
Today, she said she felt sleepy in the morning. "I'll go to school once when I wake up after sleep." I knew she was creating another excuse to not go to school. I bathed her and dressed her and started off to school. She followed me, asking me to wait for her by the gate. I said yes. When we reached the school, she went into her classroom and sat down on the bench. No cries, no fuss. I was surprised. The teacher told me Aisha never gives her bag to the teacher. I asked Aisha to give her bag to the teacher, so that she can hang it on the wall. Aisha obeyed. I was happy to see her adapting to her new life of teachers and friends. When she came back, she said, "Mom, I was happy to know you were waiting for me in the shade of the tree." When will I be able to tell her the truth?


To pre- school.

And the big day arrived...
Ready for school.

We have been planning to go to school since November and it was today we actually did it. The blame is on me - my constant procrastination. I was also a little bit worried, may be all mothers do worry about sending their kids to school. Will they take good care of our angels, will some one hurt them and so many other senseless worries. 'Senseless' was my worry too, for when I went to pick her, my little smart girl was really managing everything by herself!
Her school is an Anganawadi run by the government of India, and they provide kids with nutritious food and health-care activities, together with pre-school activities. She has got a teacher and an Anganawadi Worker, or helper, to take care of the kids. There were 16 kids, but that number changes everyday.

 She was happy and excited about school, thanks to her cousins who are going to school, and they love it. But she started crying when the helper at school took her, and she was yelling when we, myself and my Father-in-law, returned back. As the rule, parents are not allowed at the school premises. It took all my heart to come back from my crying girl. I wanted to go back and bring her home. Even at home, I missed her a lot. I kept myself busy, so that time would fly fast.
 The helper asked me to come back at noon, as it is the first day for her. Usually the timing is from 10 am to 3 pm. I didn't know what they meant by 'noon', but since I was dying to see her, I went as early as possible. When I went back, she came running to me, crying. The helper told me she was fine till she saw me. Kids don't miss us as we miss them. She was given her lunch from school, and she ate it all by herself (which she has not done from home for more than a couple of times). She completed it, took the plate to the wash area. The helper washed her hands and mouth. We returned home, promising to go back tomorrow. I was afraid if she will dislike her school , but she told me she liked it and wanted to go there again. Alhamdulillah!!


Mom's Love.

Today we were watching some video songs on my phone. When a song ended, Aisha pointed to another song and asked, "Mom, you like this song, right? "
"Yes, darling." I said. She clicked the song.
"Do you like it?" I asked.
"No." She said.
"Then why are you playing it?" I asked. The phone was with her.
" 'Coz you like it." Her quick reply.
I felt at the top of the world. Alhamdulillah, thank You, Allah, for this wonderful daughter.


Three years.

Can't believe it! Aisha is three years now and oh! Alhamdulillah...Alhamdulillah, again a zillion times.... For this beautiful sweet little girl You have gifted me. How can I ever thank You, oh! my Lord, for these three wonderful years! Please take care of her, for none other than You can take care of her. Without Your care, no one can take care of her. Please help me to bring her up with the best virtues. Please guide her through the right path, guide us and guide everyone on earth. Please, please, my Lord, make for her a beautiful home in paradise. No one but You can do it for her. Show mercy on her, and shower Your blessings on her. Thank You again, for giving such a great blessing for me. Thank You for giving me the best daughter, and making me her mother.


Prayer Dress.

Aisha is waiting for me for the Zuhr prayer. At moments like these, words are never enough for us to express our feeling... Feeling of happiness, love, being blessed, thankfulness and every other good feeling. Oh! Allah! Show us the right path and bless us with paradise! Ameen.


Back to India.

So many things are happening...
Aisha's paternal great-grandmother died some days back. Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajioon. I think Aish is the only great grand-daughter who has spent a lot of her time with grandma. She was a healthy person, although menatlly unstable, and died of no illness. It was sudden, which was shocking for us.
We got a new member to our family, my nephew on 14th. Masha Allah, our family is growing bigger and bigger!
We came back to India on 19th, since our visas got cancelled when Dad changed his job. Once again to our dear motherland. Aisha was happy to see her grandparents, hens, squirrels, cats etc etc. We had a marriage function on 20th. It was a four hour drive, and there were 7 of us. We had a happy trip and Aisha was excited to see her cousin after some 10 or 20 days. The marriage was at my sister-in-law's.

We stopped at a beach on our way back home, so that we could stretch our legs for a few minutes.
And on 21st, we went to see our new family memebr, Nidal Hammad.

It was a busy week. Hoping to take some rest now.